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Dating Rule : Why You Should Flaunt Your Flaws On A Date

Are You Crazy?

Sounds crazy right? Flaunting your flaws while out on a date. But there’s a trick to this that just makes you seem a hundred times more attractive in the eyes of your date when done properly. Want to know how? Then read on (:

Look Honey, I Suck At Dates!

Alright, how would the above sentence sound to you when your date tells you that? What’s the first impression you get of them? Honesty, trustworthiness, a little cuteness, yes? And guess what, no matter how much your date messes up during the date, you wouldn’t be bothered at all, as he / she did after all, tell you that they sucked at online dates, yes? At the end of the date, despite all his / her clumsiness in their dating etiquettes, their horrible attempts at impressing you and all, you still find them really likable because of the honesty and trustworthiness they displayed at the start of the online dating.

Now, reverse the shituation around and contrast it with this : Your date doesn’t tell you that they’re lousy on dates, and they try hard to impress you i.e. snap their fingers at waiters, whistle for them to come, juggle the cutlery (hey it could happen) and you’re thoroughly unimpressed, in fact, you’re offended by their rudeness and by their horrible juggling skills, you end the date with a horrible impression of them and vow never to go out with them again.

Spotted The Difference?

See the difference? Same series of events, but vastly different outcomes. And the decisive factor? The flaunting of their flaws at the start of the date, and you know what makes this tactic even better? It’s that in the first scenario, if your date manages to successfully pull one impressive stunt off, it’ll seem twice as impressive to you since they just admitted they were lousy at it, yes, this makes whatever ensuing matter, as long as it falls vaguely in the same category as what flaws their flaunted in front of you, to be a hundred times more impressive than if they had just done so without telling you their weaknesses beforehand. Amazing eh?

Choose Wisely, My Friend.

Yes, choose wisely which flaws you wish to flaunt in front of your date, you don’t want to flaunt the fact that you’re a full-time snatch thief (you really shouldn’t be in the first place) or anything that just generally seems bad from the mere outlook (i.e. government workers) to your date, do you? However, flaunting your flaws of your shyness, for example, would make you seem twice as impressive when you finally open up to your date, or flaunting your flaws on your fears of commitment, for example, would make the moment twice as wonderful when you finally let your date into your heart and get into a committed relationship. Get my drift? (:

The Most Important Part Of A Relationship

There are many parts in a relationship, the romance, the work, the friendship, the quarrels and more, and each one is no doubt crucially important, however, there’s one part that simply stands out the most and it’s an absolute necessity if you’re looking for a relationship that lasts, is fun and fulfilling. So, which part is it?

The Friendship Phase

Every relationship usually builds up from a friendship, unless you’re stuck in the culture of arranged marriages (my extended sympathies), the friendship phase can range from a 5 minute talk over a mug of beer, to a 2 year friendship, it’s basically defined as the time span you both spend together before letting the romance kick in and getting into a relationship. And there’s a very simple equation that relates the time span of a friendship to the happiness, longevity and successfulness of a relationship. YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS SO CONTINUE READING *your computer grows arms and grabs your head forcing you to continue reading*

Longevity In Friendship = (directly proportional) to Successfulness, Longevity and Happiness In A Relation

Yup, as much as you all hate reading it, i’m sure the majority of you all already know this, but fail to acknowledge it. The friendship phase before a relationship is absolutely crucial, it’s the very foundation of the relationship, it’s what holds the relationship togther through good times (if you have an uncanny ability to mess up all good times of course) and bad times.

So, if you want a relationship that lasts, makes you happy and fulfilled, you have to take my advice on this : Give every relationship that you intend to get into a friendship phase of at least 1 month if you’re impatient, 3 months if you’re patient, and a year if you’re really serious about your next relationship being your last.

Godspeed

So Godspeed spiderman to all you all who are setting out on your quest to get a good long lasting relationship, may the force be with you. But in any case where the force doesn’t magically clear any uncertainties that you might have, don’t hesitate in asking me or the readers of this website any question at all, cheers (:

 

The Brain and Love

Funny how the brain and love go hand-in-hand!!

The problem with the brain is it often gets in the way of our emotions.  In some ways this is good, but in others, not so much.  Our brain provides us with the necessary intellectual connection to weigh our unbridled emotions when dating and feeling love.

Balance in Dating

It takes a keen balance to determine if we are over thinking things when it comes to matters of the heart.  Love is not usually something we can be intellectual about.  It is something we feel.  Something we get the pleasure to experience.

Loveawake dating site recently made a connection between two people who were busy executives and possessed all the intellect in the world.  However, their intellect often led them both down paths of disastrous relationships.  They both agreed, the biggest challenge for them was trying to calculate everything the other person was thinking, feeling, and doing.  Yet invariably, neither of them experienced much success in dating. I wonder why?  ;)

The Perfect Match

The match they made together was perfect.  They both quickly realized that they got each other on an intellectual level. This happened because the matchmaker learned about both of them and that intellect was mutually important.  What unfolded in the months ahead, was two people no longer living their relationship with their brains but now they spend more time loving with their heart.

We do need to utilize our mind when dating and even in marriage. It helps us to make sense of differences, deal with communication, manage misunderstandings, solve problems, and much more. However, if you find yourself over-thinking your relationship, try this simple rule.

Give People the Benefit of the Doubt

Due to our own life baggage, we often become caught in over thinking and potentially trying to think for our partner or at least trying to figure out what he/she is thinking.  Allow your date, your partner, or your spouse to be who they are.  Do not spend your time trying to figure out what they are thinking; give them the opportunity to share their thoughts.  When you feel love for someone, do not question it, enjoy it. 

Remember, love is not something you can wrap your intellect around.  It is something that just hits you one-day when you least expect it.  If you get hit by the ‘Love Bug’, no reasoning in the world can provide an answer to life’s most splendid mystery.

10 Dating Mistakes

The most likely mistakes of dating are:

  1. Taking things too serious, especially yourself

  2. Getting into a relationship too quick

  3. Acting desperate even if it is just in the vibe you give off

  4. Grilling a date about their life; it’s not a job interview

  5. Looking for reasons to call it quits

  6. Self-sabotaging behavior

  7. Talking about your past relationships

  8. Forgetting to be light, fun and playful

  9. Not being yourself

  10. Thinking too far ahead or living in the past

I hope recognizing these mistakes of dating helps you on your journey to finding the lasting relationship you may desire and so deserve!

How To Be Successful In Love And Life

Your thoughts and words are more powerful than you know. Most of the time we do not pay much attention our thoughts and to the words we choose to use. Often this means our choices are being made either by habit or by fear, particularly when it comes to what we say and do in our relationships.

When habit and fear lead the way, we often find ourselves stuck in situations we would really rather not be in. But, if we learn to face whatever fears are underlying our thoughts and words, we will be able to make conscious choices, the fear will fade away and be replaced by a whole new world of opportunity. We will be able to empower ourselves to make smarter choices and most of the relationships in our lives will become filled with joy and satisfaction.

Do You Really Want a Relationship?

Recently, I have been coaching a woman about her relationships. She came to me stuck in a place where she was wavering back and forth about whether she wanted to be in a relationship or not. If so, who would this person be and where would she find him? If not, why not? If it were because she is just not ready, what would it take for her to become ready?

Through the coaching process, she worked out that she was operating under the very limiting belief that her only options at this point in her life were to either get back together with this man or to meet someone new on the one particular dating website she was familiar with. Her experience with the dating website had been a disappointing and draining one. Therefore, she found herself moving towards choosing to be with this ex-boyfriend. Together, we established that her current beliefs about her options were not working for her.

We began to explore the possibility of finding a way to change her thoughts about her options in a way that might work better for her.

The Fear of Being Alone

Ultimately, what she figured out was that this ex-boyfriend represented a lesson in her life that she had been missing. He was a big compromise. She, like many of us, was afraid of being alone, afraid that she was not worthy of having a healthy, loving relationship, and afraid of the unknown.

We all feel like this at one time or another. The main issue for her was that she hadn’t faced these fears yet so they were continuing to haunt her. She was able to address each one in different ways during our sessions together. Most importantly, she was aware that fear had taken over her thoughts, words and actions. That awareness gave her the clarity, strength and freedom to make new choices in her life.

She realized that she deeply wanted a healthy and loving relationship with a man, but she just couldn’t envision one. It was something unknown to her. Since it was unknown to her, she was afraid of it and her way of coping with that fear was to be confused about whether or not she wanted it. It is very common for us to be scared and cover it up with a mask of confusion or to hide behind other excuses like “I’m too busy to think about this right now.”

Shifting Perspective on Relationships

By shifting her perspective and recognizing that by having had the thought that she wasn’t sure if she wanted a relationship, her words, and the energy she projected matched that thought. Consequently, in her every day behavior she gave off signals of being closed off and guarded. It was no longer a surprise to her that she was getting such frustrating results when it came to dating.

One afternoon after one of our morning coaching sessions, she called to tell me that she had conversations several with perfect strangers and she had made all of them smile. She knew that she was able to have a positive impact on other people’s day. This really excited her.

Then, a few days later, she was at the gym and noticed that there was a man there that she had known about 20 years before, but they had lost touch. They struck up a conversation and really hit it off and agreed to meet up later for a drink.

Now her outlook on everything is refreshed and rejuvenated. She will never again forget how important her thoughts and her words are, and how she has the power to control those thoughts and words, rather than letting them control her.

Published under copyright by Loveawake italia. © Copyright 2010-2020. All rights reserved.

È appena stata fidanzata con un ex ex fumatore

 
Dilemma interessante. Una donna di Milano ha parlato con un ragazzo che era un ex fumatore. Ma è appena ricominciato. Sta pensando di lasciarlo. Cosa fare? Diamo un'occhiata.
 
Ciao Jeff
 
Cosa fai quando ti sei appena fidanzato con un ex fumatore che ha ricominciato a fumare? Sono un non fumatore e la mia regola è sempre stata nella mia mente di non uscire mai o addirittura sposare un fumatore.
 
Amico, sono con te lì. Trovo che il fumo sia la causa di uno degli odori più disgustosi conosciuti dall'uomo. E l'ho incontrato a Roma, quindi conosco tutti i migliori tipi di cattivi odori, ok?
 
Sto pensando di lasciare il ragazzo. Dice che sono troppo estremo: non è come se fosse violento, manipolatore, irrispettoso, idiota, ecc. Ha ragione su questo.
 
Sì, beh, ovviamente non è violento. Manipolativo? Forse no - anche se ti sta dicendo cosa non dovrebbe disturbarti quando chiaramente ti disturba. È un po 'manipolativo.
 
Irrispettoso? Stessa cosa: non sta considerando ciò che ti disturba, solo ciò che non dovrebbe disturbarti dal suo punto di vista. Non la cosa meno rispettosa del mondo, ma sai, non è eccezionale.
 
Idiota? Bene, senza nemmeno sudare ho potuto trovare molte statistiche che potrebbero fargli ripensare.
 
Ma se il suo punto era: "Ehi, ci sono molti modi in cui potrei essere un ragazzo peggiore", quindi sì, ha ragione.
 
Ok, certo, sono un po 'di parte su questo. Alcuni odori mi spingono verso il muro, ok? Questo sembra essere tra questi.
 
Ma la domanda rimane la stessa. Mi sta facendo impazzire e non riesco a vedere i miei figli allevati da un fumatore. Non ha alcuna reale intenzione di smettere.
 
Aiuto!
 
Un non fumatore.
 
Caro non fumatore,
 
Questo è difficile. Voglio dire, è la sua "scelta" di farlo. Ho messo quella parola tra virgolette perché la nicotina crea dipendenza. Di quanta "scelta" stiamo parlando qui, comunque? Ma siamo tutti liberi di fare tutto ciò che vogliamo. È libero di fumare e tu sei libero di restare. O vattene.
 
Ma quale dovresti fare? Bene, sono un paio di cose a cui dovrei pensare:
 
Non dare per scontato che si fermerà più tardi
 
Perché dovrebbe? Ha appena ricominciato. Volontariamente. Sa quanto sia stato difficile smettere prima, quindi presumo che non abbia intenzione di smettere. Se il fatto che ti disturba non tiene conto di quella decisione ora, perché dopo?
 

DECIDE: QUESTO È UN RIVENDITORE?

 
Dici che non puoi vedere i tuoi figli allevati da un fumatore. Suppongo che stiamo parlando di bambini ipotetici, sì? O li hai già e sta entrando in scena dopo il fatto?
 
Ad ogni modo, dato che è un fumatore e probabilmente ne rimarrà uno, puoi superarlo o no? Non importa cosa qualcuno ritenga che ELSE sia una ragione giustificabile per rimanere o andare. Questo riguarda te e il tuo futuro.
 
Qualunque sia la risposta, diglielo
 
Ogni relazione ha i suoi confini. In alcune relazioni, il sesso con altri partner è assolutamente fantastico. In alcune relazioni, si chiama "imbroglione" e si tradurrebbe nella parte offensiva con la "testa tagliata con un machete". Si tratta di dettagli.
 
Non sappiamo sempre quali siano i confini della nostra persona finché non li attraversiamo. Ha attraversato uno dei tuoi? O riesci a vederti mentre estendi i tuoi confini per includere questo comportamento che prima era fuori dai limiti?
 
Dal momento che questa persona è una persona con cui, presumibilmente, hai pensato di trascorrere il resto della tua vita, direi che lo devi a te stesso e a lui di essere MOLTO diretto con quello che sta succedendo.
 

ACCETTA LA TUA RISPOSTA A QUESTO

 
Ho trascorso un sacco di tempo con i fumatori nella mia vita. Molti fumatori sono esperti nel dirti perché hai torto a odiarlo. Non ha un cattivo odore, non dura così tanto. Qualunque cosa sia. Il grande e recente Bill Hicks ha fatto una volta un po 'su come i non fumatori dovrebbero tenere presente che anche loro moriranno. Sì, Bill, lo sappiamo tutti. Alcuni di noi non vogliono solo odorare come le gengive di Dennis Leary nel frattempo.
 
Il punto è, comunque tu ti senta, questo è quello che pensi. Può dirti che sei irragionevole, bene. Ma i tuoi confini sono i tuoi confini, giusto? Ti è permesso avere un confine che qualcun altro trova irragionevole.
 
FINALMENTE, ESSERE ONESTO CON TE STESSO
 
Guarda, se questo è un problema per te e non vedi che NON è mai stato un problema per te, non sperare che un giorno lo supererai. O decidi di superarlo o non dare per scontato che lo farai in seguito.
 
E allo stesso modo, se PUOI conviverci, non attaccarti alle pistole solo per essere testardo. Il punto è che quando sposerai qualcuno, stai dicendo: "Questo è quello con cui scelgo di stare. Per sempre." Questo è il piano, comunque. Non dire quella frase con un asterisco alla fine.
 
Buona fortuna, non fumatore. Tutti hanno dei difetti
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